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A myth.

Well, I know I went all out and set up this lovely community and whatnot with high hopes, but what if.... what if....

I'm getting a few responses on intercultural conflict, but others are primarily gender differences in communication. Of course, since we're talking about relationships, I'm sure I'll be getting a little of both, but does anyone else on the forum have any anecdotes regarding communication conflicts due to primarily cultural differences?

That's probably because the incidence and importance of "intercultural conflict" in the context of most relationships is really exaggerated--indeed, I'd call it a myth. I've been married for eight years to a Japanese woman--can't think of a single conflict which arose just because she is Japanese.


So yeah, what if these fears and problems and issues we have are simply the dead and highly beaten horse of gender dichotomies. How much of a role DOES culture literally play? As much as race is a myth, what if culture is another excuse we use to hide the fact that, well, he just sucks at being honest with me and would probably be exactly the same man if he'd grown up in North Carolina? :p

n00bness + advice

Hey everyone. :]

Let me introduce myself by frist stating: I don't believe in race. I believe different cultures, languages, religions, morals, and traditions exsist and inpart makes us all different ethnicities/cultures...but when we strip off our exteriors we all find the same human interior. Cultural discrepancies exsit; of course there are differences between Americans and Croatians; Mongolians and Chinese, Egyptians and Angolans! Every culture stresses different concepts. Race is a socially constructed concept invented to justify the subjugation of one culutre by another. (ie: European imperialism of Africa.)We all have our physical similiarities and differences, but in the end we're all members of the HUMAN SPECIES. One thing I do believe in is multicultural or bicultural...which many people are in todays world. This is all just my opinion...everyone is allowed that right?

BUT, anyway....I want to contribute to this community because I have become a victim of category A culture clash.

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discussion question

Whether you’re already in or anticipate the situation, what do you generally expect will happen once you enter an intercultural relationship? This will depend on many factors, including what two cultures will be interacting, how much you know about the other culture, what you've HEARD/stereotypes, your own personality, etc. Do you expect a smooth transition from culture A to culture A/B, or are you concerned about a certain personal attribute that you fear may get in the way of meshing? This isn’t so much about the other person/their culture as it is about you and yours and your feelings about the other.

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American-South African

Hi, my name is Kelly (USA) and I'm married to Tao (S. Africa). We are actually planning to move to S. Africa sometime in the near future. We do have a few cultural differences and I would say the main one is in how we communicate. S. Africans seem to be much more passive, while I am used to being more elaborate. It's hard to express this, but I would say that his family is much more straight to the point about things, they don't really waste time considering your feelings. Fortunately, we haven't had many issues recently (not to mention we're starting to turn into each other, so the differences are less obvious), so I don't have anything fresh to talk about... But I expect with the upcoming move, I'll be reminded a lot! Anyway, just wanted to introduce myself... I'm glad there is a community where we can discuss these things, cause when things do come up it is really hard to find anyone else who understands the cultural aspect.


Wow! I was really surprised to see your announcement for this in americansabroad - thanks for starting it up. I was just scouring LJ last week for just this type of community but had no luck.

My current relationship is with a Greek man (I'm from midwestern US), but we are such a fresh couple that we have not had time for any major culture clash to occur. So far, only small things like body language or coming from different religious cultures (Orthodoxy vs. Protestantism - big whoop, right?) have made small miscommunications. It's funny to have to rephrase your entire way of talking about the world becuase you don't have the same basic assumptions about some things. :-) Anyway, it's been more of a fun challenge than anything.

In the past, I have had a serious relationship with a Japanese man that was full of culture clash! So, if you have any gripes/happinesses along those lines, I might be chiming in. BTW - A good resource for Western women in a relationship with a Japanese man is The Foreign Wives Club. (I never married my guy, but was considering that AND a move across the world at one point. Would be happy to offer my advice/opinions to someone in the same predicament).

Well, I hope this community takes off!


did LJ delete something, the original poster, or are my eyes playing tricks on meh?


One, two!

Welcome to xCultural, where complaining that your boyfriend is "being Japanese" doesn't mean he's turning pale and scrawny and recently got surgery to make him look like like he's squinting.

No. xCultural is about intercultural relationships, friendly ones but more importantly, romantic explorations. How living cultures mesh or fail to when two or more people interact.

This community isn't about race (or even nationality, to be exact) and I would appreciate it if you only posted issues related to culture/language/lifestyles. Sure, those things are interconnected, but not for everyone. I can tell you from first hand experience that I've met black and caucasian Japanese people, so skin tone is moot. We're talking nurture, not nature.

But if you'd like to talk about interracial relationships and issues: interracial

While most posts will likely be "omg! Help! What's she DOING!?", it's also nice to hear about intercultural couples making it work, so feel free to post. Don't forget to include pointers and tips on how you overcame any obstacles you might have had or any thoughts on intercultural dating, and cultural sensitivity.

That said, I'm certainly not the most culturally sensitive person around - not even that racially sensitive. But I hope we can make a group effort to keep things calm, educational and civilized. So no racist complaints and try not to be ethnocentric. There's a fine line sometimes, so do your best to help us understand the issue at hand.

Oh, and have fun!


"I think I'm lost"

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